Sn0wz

Yeah, that's how snow would look like in Internet slang (I don't like Internet slang, I prefer to make my own). Maybe you're wondering (if anybody is reading this) why I haven't posted in two days, the reason is very simple: Snow. It inexplicably started to snow, and I do mean inexplicably. I'm not even sure there were any clouds in the sky when it started! Is it some supervillain doing this? Or perhaps a mad scientist? I dunno, but it kept me busy because the Internet connection was suddenly disrupted because, and this is a direct quote from the internet provider: "Various snow related damages." Go figure.

But all this snowing has reminded me that it's probably time to sell that old Glacier Base, but boy oh boy, now is not a selling market...

Well, for your entertainment, here's another Andy Kaufman klip:

Andy Kaufman/ Tony Clifton with the muppets

How to properly make a sneak attack

Well, since we all know that it was my stealthiness and sneakiness that stopped the Crocodile Gang I thought I might as well share some tips on how to put yourself in the perfect position to perform a sneak attack. Here's a tip: Most people that are not ninjas or have special training always expect and attack from the behind when anticipating a sneak attack. So that is why an attack from above, below, sideways or just a frontal assault works better.

Here's three examples of perfect positions for ambushes

1. Hanging from the ceiling and then dropping down on the foes.

Here Uma Thurman remains unseen and can attack whenever she wants to because, and this is important, guards never look up unless there's some noice or something falls down.

Especially not Crocodile People.

2. Hide behind r under something and slowly move towards the target, if seen, remain still. Because guards never notice when a box or potted plants (or whatever) has changed its position if they don't see it in motion. Boxes are of course very useful for that as Solid Snake has proved again and again.

3. The Rorschach method:

Because people never expect to be ambushed from the fridge.

Here's some Comedy because I'm lazy

Andy Kaufman - Mighty Mouse

Yeah, where would Mighty Mouse be in our cultural landscape without Andy Kaufman?

Screw old people and old crocodiles! I won!

Damn straight! Did you really think I would apologize for anything like in yesterdays post? Hah! I laughed at that. I never admit when I'm wrong!

You see... it was all part of my ingenious plan to take down the Crocodile gang, the illegal trade of crocodile steroids and the mysterious Doc Croc or Doctor Crocodile. You see, I was contacted by someone named Alice Cattore (by phone) and she started nagging and wailing about how I've treated the Crocodile Gang, I found that odd so I googled her name and guess what, she's actually a doctor and a Nobel laureate for medicine or physiology in 1976 in some stuff that involved genetics and hormones and stuff. Yes, I thought it was suspicious too so I played bashful and full of regret and then put up yesterdays post.

And the Crocodile Gang celebrated on the streets, how did I know this? Because I was watching them, lurking like a jaguar. I followed them back to an old retirement home and then proceeded to slowly trap the old geezers one after another (plasticuffs are really handy for tying up hands, feet and crocodile jaws) until I found the big boss Doc Croc aka Doctor Alice Cattore (She was actually that first old crocodile-woman that I used as a ramp and beat up with a mailbox and she wanted revenge!) and bound her. Old people are heavy sleepers especially those mutated by crocodile steroids. And that's how I stopped them using only my ninjabilities and plasticuffs.

In the end I think we have all learned that old people are a pest, the leftovers of the past, that should be confined to retirement homes where society can keep an eye on them so they don't develop crazy schemes to gain immortality or renewed youthfulness by using stuff like Crocoids. Oh yes, also this: Don't do Crocoids or I'll have to smack the snot out of you and tie you with plasticuffs. I would say that this is a good ending to this debacle, I gained a new enemy with a personal vendetta for my rogues gallery and the old people will now go to jail or something.

See you tomorrow on this very blog as always mostly invisible hypothetical readers mixed with one or two real readers that bother to comment!

An Apology to Seniors

It has come to my attention that I have been guilty of offensive remarks and language towards elderly people with serious problems. I have been informed on that by concerned people and that has compelled me to say this:

I'm truly sorry for this and I apology to the seniors that I have wronged.

You sometimes forget in the heat og battle that the enemy is also human too and violence often becomes your first choice. And I have been guilty of that. I will take some time to look into myself and my actions and I thank you for reading this message.

- The Complicated

Baby, you're too hot to accelerate my particles

The latest news going around is that there's been a problem in the LHC ever since The Collider gained her powers in an "accident" and now they have to shut it down until Spring 2009.

Yeah, serves them right.

The Collider has meanwhile done some more "super-heroics" with a scientific angle in Europe and she reportedly teamed-up with one of those French super-mimes but I don't know if it was an official thing or just a rumor. But the damage to the LHC is a serious blow to her image so I'm happy all in all. Big Science can eat my shorts.

Dang it, this Jaguar is totally badass

Man, I was looking up videos with crocodiles and perhaps get some tips on how to handle them and I came across a video titled Jaguar vs. Crocodile and damn, the jaguar is like the natures ninja. I warn you, this Jaguar is hardcore and these are battles for life and death, if you can't handle death in nature or pure raw awesomeness then you shouldn't watch this:

Jaguar vs. Crocodile

Winner: Jaguar

See? He took care of that crocodile like it was nothing! I should learn from that magnificent cat. But killing crocodiles makes you hungry and that leads to the next round:

Jaguar vs. Big Fish

Winner: Jaguar

It doesn't matter if you try to flee into the water, the Jaguar persists in any element. I hope you enjoyed your feast Jaguar for your greatest challenge awaits you! An epic tussle that we could only call:

Jaguar vs. Anaconda

Winner: Jaguar!

Steaming hot donkey balls! He did it! It looked like the Anaconda was getting the best of him but Jaguar prevailed! And how cool is that narrator?